Personal Beliefs and Christian Experience – Personal/Theological Statement for Deacon Process, New York 1984 (1)

Submitted to the Board of Ordained Ministry of the New York Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church, January 1984, as part of the requirements for Deacon/Probationary status.

A. THEOLOGY AND VOCATION

1. Personal Beliefs and Christian Experience

First and foremost, I extend my deepest gratitude to God for calling me to pastoral ministry in a world fraught with challenges and uncertainties.

Theology is devoid of meaning unless it is intimately connected to the realities of life. Before discussing theology, one must first seek to understand God. Before engaging in Christology, one must have personally encountered Jesus Christ. Before articulating a perspective on salvation, one must have experienced it firsthand. Theology, therefore, is not a speculative discipline but a dynamic process shaped by the continuous dialogue between the Gospel (text) and life circumstances (context).

I perceive my faith journey as an ongoing, three-step process that continues in a cyclical and simultaneous manner until ultimate redemption. These three steps are:

Gaining self-knowledge through humility, thereby reclaiming reason.
Attaining knowledge of others by loving one’s neighbors and empathizing with their suffering.
Reaching the knowledge of Truth through contemplation of God, who is Truth itself. The grace of God is the foundation of this contemplative journey, sustained by prayer as I await the fulfillment of God’s kingdom with endurance and hope.

Step One: Self-Knowledge through Humility

The first step in my faith journey is self-knowledge, achieved through humility and the purification of will. Humility requires introspection and self-examination, leading to an understanding of one’s true self. No one can fully comprehend themselves without humility. It is through humility that one approaches genuine faith, for God reveals Himself to the humble while remaining hidden from the proud.

This understanding of humility was cultivated through my life experiences. Despite my upbringing in the church—as a dedicated Sunday school student, a seminarian in Korea, and someone earnestly striving to be a Christian—I realized that I was, in essence, a “whitewashed wall.” The turning point came in the aftermath of the Gwangju Uprising, a pivotal event that compelled me to leave my homeland and seek refuge in the United States, where my extended family resided. In escaping the oppressive grip of military rule, I experienced a personal Exodus.

This journey required the surrender of my pride and submission to God’s will. It was an act of divine craftsmanship, shaping my obedience and leading to my spiritual transformation—my metanoia. At that time, I felt estranged from Christ and disconnected from my homeland, akin to the alienation described in Ephesians 2:12. Yet, in His mercy and great love, God awakened me from spiritual death, raising me up in Christ and granting me new life through His grace (Ephesians 2:4-9). My humility, therefore, was not self-generated but the result of God’s pre-existent grace working within me.

Step Two: Knowledge of Others through Love

The second step in my faith journey involves knowing and loving others, an active love that finds its foundation in the divine imperative to love. During my time in Korea, I was deeply involved in community organizing for justice and freedom. This experience instilled in me a commitment to active love, compelling me to pursue God’s will despite the accompanying struggles and sacrifices. It was a journey akin to the Israelites’ march through the Sinai wilderness toward the Promised Land—a call to serve through diakonia in the present reality.

This is my Missio Dei—a lifelong vocation in service to God and others. My personal strength alone is insufficient to sustain this mission, but it is through God’s grace that love endures. As articulated in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, love is patient, kind, and free from arrogance or selfishness. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love is a divine gift that transcends human will, manifesting itself even among those who do not yet know Christ. As a follower of Christ, I am called to love all people and all creation. Love, in turn, leads to true faith, guiding me toward the final step of my journey—contemplation of God.

Step Three: Knowledge of Truth through Contemplation of God

The third step in my faith journey is the pursuit of Truth through contemplation of God. I vividly recall a profound mystical experience in the winter of 1981 at Drew University, during which II Timothy 4:6-8 resonated deeply within me. This experience was a moment of sacred communion with God—communio sanctorum—wherein my spiritual awareness was renewed.

Each morning, as I rise, I must gather the fragments of my past self and reorganize them in the light of God’s truth. Much like listening to music until the sound itself fades into silence, contemplation of God leads to spiritual clarity. Through this process, I perceive all things anew. As Scripture declares, “Be renewed in the spirit of your mind” (Ephesians 4:23) and “Behold, I am making all things new” (Revelation 21:5). To truly contemplate God is to be emptied of self, made transparent, and purified by His presence, allowing His Word to illuminate my being.

As Christians, we have been delivered from spiritual bondage—our personal “Egypt.” Justification through faith has set us free, removing us from darkness. However, we have not yet reached the fullness of God’s kingdom; we remain in the wilderness, journeying toward sanctification through the trials of love. Love is not merely an action—it is our very life. Through love, we are sanctified and drawn ever closer to God.

Conclusion

This threefold journey—self-knowledge through humility, knowledge of others through love, and knowledge of Truth through contemplation—defines my theological understanding and my vocational calling. It is a continuous and transformative process, sustained by God’s grace, leading me ever deeper into the mystery of faith. In this ever-evolving journey, I remain steadfast, awaiting the full realization of God’s kingdom while embracing the present wilderness with hope and endurance.