“I do not know Him!” “I do not know Him!” “I do not know Him!”
And when I turned away—cursing and denying You before the servant girl’s accusation— I met Your sorrowful eyes.
Lord, I weep, for I am the sinner who could not help but betray You.
You who fed five thousand in the wilderness, who walked upon the waters, who raised Lazarus from the dead— my Lord!
Even as the cries of “Hosanna! Hosanna!” still rang in my ears, why did You remain silent, embracing shame, humiliation, and the bonds of scorn?
I, who dared to vow that I would follow You even unto death, collapse like a grain of sand before the deep face of night.
You know this: that even now, this sinner is unaccustomed to meeting You as I ought.
“For whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”
“If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me.”
“The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”
Now, in regret, I fall at Your knees.
Unless I cut away the branches of my flesh with the very sword that once struck the ear of the Roman soldier, I cannot enter the dawn of Your glory; nor do I truly know who You are.
Ah— this empty desire, these hasty words and reckless deeds, this worldly honor and hollow pretense, this narrow self— Lord, shape them all with the burning sword of Your love and forgiveness!
O my Lord! I cast away the nets of my old life and lift up, with tears, the net of eternal life.
Let the cries of my flesh— shouting in the damp edges of this night— not strike the air in vain.
Let Your eternal promise become my life, my breath, my only boast.
Lord— how long must I wander in deeper darkness before I finally understand Your word: that one must die in order to live?
Last week I had the opportunity to attend the United Methodist Women’s Northeastern Jurisdiction Quadrennial Meeting held in Hartford, Connecticut. Under the theme “Open the Door for Mission,” about 1,500 women representing their local churches gathered to celebrate and report on the missionary work that has been carried out around the world through the offerings collected by the Women’s Missionary Society. Though it was only a brief two-night, three-day gathering, I could not help but feel deep gratitude as I witnessed how the heartfelt offerings from each local church were being used so preciously across the globe.
When we think of “doing missions” at the local church level, we often imagine going to the Third World or taking on heavy financial burdens. It can seem overwhelming, or like something only specially called missionaries can do. But in truth, in season or out of season, mission is a responsibility that every Christian is called to bear. The inability to do mission work is not because we lack money or time, but because we lack the heart for it.
On the way home with the church members who attended the conference, God led us into an unexpected situation—one that became a moment of mission training. I want to share briefly what happened, giving thanks to God for His guidance.
As we were driving on the highway, we planned to stop at the first rest area for breakfast. But we were deep in conversation and missed the exit. So we pulled into the next rest area instead. Just as we parked, a teenage boy stepped out of the car next to us and approached the deacon who had been driving. His shabby appearance immediately signaled that something was not right. In the driver’s seat of their car sat another boy, a few years older, watching us nervously.
The boy explained that while following his parents’ car, one of their tires had blown out, causing them to lose sight of their parents. To make matters worse, they had run out of gas and had no way to go anywhere. He asked if we could give them some money. Looking inside their car, we saw it was filled with dirty tissues and hamburger wrappers—clear signs that these were runaways, wandering without direction.
A thought flashed through my mind: We were meant to meet them. But I couldn’t simply hand them money. Nor could I abruptly scold them for wandering around like this. So I prayed silently: “Lord Jesus, what would You do in a moment like this?”
And the Holy Spirit brought to mind these words: “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,I was a stranger and you invited me in,I needed clothes and you clothed me,I was sick and you looked after me,I was in prison and you came to visit me.” (Matthew 25:35–36) “…and when I had no oil, you filled my tank.”
I told the boys to pull their car up to the gas pump. Then I filled their tank all the way to the top. Their hardened expressions melted into disbelief and gratitude.
Then I said, as if I had been waiting for the moment, “Would it be alright if I sat in your car for a moment and prayed for you?”
The boys hesitated, then opened the door and apologized for the mess inside.
“Here, take my hands—both of you. Let’s pray together.”
“God, thank You for allowing us to meet these precious young men this morning. I do not know their circumstances. I do not know what problems they may have with their parents, at school, or with friends. But You know their situation. Please watch over their present and their future. And when they face difficulties in life, give them the wisdom to seek, ask, and knock before You. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.”
It was a simple prayer, but I felt deeply grateful that God allowed their souls to be touched.
Their once-dark eyes now shone brightly. “…Actually, we prayed too—asking God to give us gas.”
“Really? That’s exactly it! When you pray, there is nothing God cannot do. But you must always listen for God’s voice. Do you go to church?”
“…Sometimes…”
“You can’t go sometimes! A car needs fuel consistently—you can’t have it full one day and empty the next, right?”
The boys nodded vigorously.
I squeezed their hands once more and stepped out of the car. “And clean this car! What is all this? When your car is messy, your mind becomes messy too. Here—this isn’t much, but get yourselves some breakfast. God truly loves you.”
When I placed the remaining cash in their hands, their mouths fell open in astonishment. As they drove off, the morning sunlight sparkled over their rattling car.
There is mission work we do together, and mission work we must do individually. The fact that Christians can participate in both is God’s grace. Children never tire of receiving from their parents, but once they become parents, they learn the joy of giving.
Mission is the calling of mature Christians—in season or out of season. And so, toward the mission doors that must be opened, may we continue to pray and run forward today.
지난 주간에 하드포드(Hartford, Conn)서 열렸던 미연합 감리교 동북부 지역 4년차 여선교 대회에 다녀오게 되었습니다. “선교의 문을 엽시다(Open the Door for Mission)”라는 주제아래, 개체교회를 대표한 1,500여명의 여성들이 여선교회란 조직을 통한 헌금으로 세계곳곳에 선교사를 보내어 선교활동을 한, 그동안의 사역보고와 함께 축하 하는 행사였습니다. 이박 삼일의 짧은 기간이었으나, 각 개체교회의 여성들이 정성으로 모아진 헌금이 세계도처에서 얼마나 귀하게 쓰여지고 있는지 감사하지 않을 수 없었습니다.
사실 개체교회에서 선교한다하면, 제 3세계로 가는 일과 물질적인 부담을 먼저 떠오르게됩니다. 그리고 왠지 엄청나 보이거나, 특별히 사명을 받은 선교사들 만이 할 수 있는 일로 생각되지만 사실은 때를 얻든지 못얻든지 그리스도인들이 당연히 감당해야 만 될 사명입니다. 선교를 못하는 것은 물질이나 시간이 없어서가 아니라, 마음이 없기 때문이라고 볼 수 있습니다. 저는 그 대회에 참석했던 성도님들과 함께 집으로 돌아오는 길에, 전혀 준비되지 않았던 상황에서 선교의 훈련을 하도록 인도하신 하나님께 감사드리며 잠시 있었던 일을 나누고자 합니다.
저희는 하이웨이를 달려오면서 아침식사를 하기 위하여, 첫번째 휴게소로 들어가기로 하였으나 서로 대화를 나누다가 그만 놓치고 말았습니다. 그래서, 다음 휴게소에 들어서게 되어 차를 막 파킹하고 나서니, 옆에 있던 차에서 십대의 소년이 내리더니 운전하셨던 집사님을 향해 말을 거는 것이였습니다. 소년의 꾀죄죄한 행색으로 보아 심상치 않았습니다. 차 안에는 그 소년보다도 두 서너살은 더 먹었을 또 한명의 소년이 운전석에 앉아 초조한 눈길로 우리 쪽을 내다보고 있었습니다.
소년의 사연인즉, 부모의 차를 따라서 가던 중에 차의 바퀴가 터지는 바람에 부모의 차를 놓쳤는데, 설상가상으로 기름까지 바닥이 나서 오갈수 없게 되었으니 돈을 좀 달라는 것이였습니다. 그들의 차안을 들여다 보니 온통 더러운 휴지와 햄버거를 쌌던 포장지로 널려있는 것으로 보아, 집을 나와 방황하고 있는 청소년들임을 직감 할 수 있었습니다. 마음 속으로 잘 만났구나! 하는 생각이 문득 들었습니다. 그러나, 그 소년들에게 그냥 돈을 줄수없었습니다. 다짜고짜 너희들 왜 이렇게 방황하며 다니느냐고 훈계 할 수도 없었습니다. 잠시 마음으로 기도했습니다. “예수님께서는 이럴 때 어찌 하시겠습니까?” 성령님의 감동 속에 응답이 왔습니다. “내가 주릴 때에 너희가 먹을 것을 주었고 목마를 때에 마시게 하였고 나그네 되었을 때에 영접하였고 벗었을 때에 옷을 입혔고 병들었을 때에 돌아보았고 옥에 갇혀있을 때에 와서 보았느니라 (마태25:35-36) … 그리고 기름이 없을 때에 기름을 채워주었느니라”
저는 청소년들에게 주유소로 차를 대라고 일렀습니다. 그리고, 기름탱크에 들어 갈 수 있을 때까지 가득 기름을 채우게 하였습니다. 아이들은 만족하여 믿을 수 없다는 표정으로 굳었던 얼굴이 환하게 펴지면서 어쩔 줄 몰라했습니다. 저는 기다렸다는 듯이 청소년들에게 “차 안에 잠시 들어가 너희들을 위해 기도를 해주고 싶은데 괜찮겠지?” 하고 물었습니다. 아이들은 잠시 당황하였지만, 문을 열어 주면서 차안이 지저분 한 것에 대해 사과를 했습니다. “자, 내 손을 둘다 잡아봐! 그리고 함께 기도하자! 하나님! 이 아침에 이 귀한 청소년들을 만나게 해주셔서 감사합니다. 저는 이들의 사정이 어떠한지 모릅니다. 이들이 부모와 어떤 문제가 있으며, 학교와 친구간에 어떤 문제가 있는지 모르지만 하나님께서는 이들의 사정을 아시오니, 이들의 현재와 앞날을 돌봐 주시옵소서. 살아가면서 어떤 어려운 문제에 부딪힐 때에라도 하나님 앞에 구하고 찾고 두드릴 수 있는 지혜를 주시옵소서. 예수님의 이름으로 기도합니다. 아멘” 간단한 기도였으나, 하나님께서 이들의 영혼을 만나도록 인도하심을 감사하며 간절히 기도를 마치었습니다.
아이들의 어두웠던 눈빛이 해맗게 빛이 났습니다. “… 사실은 저희들도 하나님께 기름을 달라고 기도를 했었답니다” “그래? 바로 그거야! 하나님께 늘 기도하면 이루어지지 않는 것이 없어! 그대신 하나님의 음성을 늘 들어야되는대 교회 나가나?” “…가끔 나갈 때도 있어요…” “가끔 가선 않돼! 차에 기름이 늘 있어야지, 있다가 없다가 하면 되겠어? 그렇지?” 아이들은 “맞아요, 맞아요” 하면서 고개를 끄떡였습니다. 저는 아이들의 손을 다시 한번 굳게 잡아주고 차문을 열고 나서며 말했습니다. “그리고, 이 차 청소 좀해라! 이게 뭐니? 차 안이 이러면 정신도 그런거야! 자 여기 얼마 않되지만 아침 식사해야지? 하나님은 너희들을 진정으로 사랑한단다!“ 아이들의 손에 나머지 잔돈을 손에 쥐어주니, 아이들의 입이 닿혀질줄 몰랐습니다. 손을 흔들며 어디론지 달려가는 아이들의 털털거리는 자동차 위에 아침 햇살이 눈부시게 비쳐졌습니다.
선교에는 연합으로 해야 될 선교가 있고 개인이 담당해야 될 선교가 있습니다. 그리스도인들은 이 두가지의 일에 동참 할 수 있다는 것은 하나님의 은혜입니다. 어린아이들은 부모로 부터 받아도 받아도 만족 할 줄 모르지만, 부모가 되면 자녀들에게 주는 기쁨에 살게됩니다. 선교란 성숙한 그리스도인들이 때를 얻든지 못얻든지 담당할 사명임을 깨달으며, 우리가 열어야만 될 선교의 문을 향해 오늘도 기도하며 달려보기를 원합니다.
I went out to the backyard to finally tend the little garden I had been putting off for so long. I should have taken care of it and thinned things out much earlier, but I kept missing the right moment. When I finally stepped outside, I found lettuce, perilla leaves, strawberries, cucumbers, and squash all tangled together, each struggling desperately to grow. Perilla leaves were sprouting between the slender blades of chives, and the strawberries—having stretched their runners tirelessly even through winter—had already claimed nearly every patch of soil, waving their green flags triumphantly. Everything was so intertwined that it was impossible to tell what was what.
Here and there, acorns that had fallen from the trees last autumn had quietly taken root and were now confidently claiming their own spaces. This tiny piece of land was overflowing with disorder and confusion. Even while I excused myself for being too busy to make time, the earth had been working tirelessly, nurturing life—both the things I planted and the things I never planted—each racing to grow.
With a mix of guilt and excitement, I picked up my small trowel and began clearing the garden one plant at a time. The young roots of the oak seedlings were stubborn and would not come out easily, but I couldn’t leave them there. The strawberry vines, which had multiplied the most vigorously, were pulled out or moved to empty soil. I cut down and cleared away the thistles and weeds without hesitation, giving the garden some breathing room.
The water celery, which had survived for years with nothing but enough moisture to stay yellow and barely alive, was moved into several water containers. After filling them generously with water, the celery lifted its leaves toward the sky as if nodding gratefully. Seeing even these silent plants respond with gratitude to a little care and attention made me realize how insensitive and inattentive I often am toward people. Their withered, yellowed lives—like neglected leaves—felt suddenly like my responsibility. As raindrops fell between the revived celery leaves, forming round ripples, it seemed as though little green frogs might pop their heads out at any moment and croak with joy.
After spending half the day bent over, sweating, and letting the soil stain my hands, the once-chaotic garden finally settled into a clear, orderly shape. As I looked over the garden, I thought, If I don’t tend to my soul even for a little while, won’t it end up just like this? And I began to reflect on the garden of my own spirit.
It is strange. Just as unplanted weeds grow thick on their own, worldly things take root in the soil of the soul even without being sown. Seeds of pride, judgment, anger, and greed sprout instantly and spread until they cover everything. But the seeds of sincere, sanctified faith take great effort to root and push up a tender shoot. When the sprout first appears, it may not look like much, but one day—when it finally blooms—its beauty and fragrance captivate everyone. That beauty and fragrance endure across generations.
Pulling weeds and tending the garden—this is the secret to emptying the heart and nurturing faith. If we do not examine ourselves daily when the weeds of the heart begin to sprout one by one, the seeds of faith grow weak and sickly. Before we know it, the vines of compromise creep in and cover the field of the heart. To grow even a single tree of faith, the soil of the spirit must be governed by the Word, and we must sweat in prayer. This unceasing spiritual labor is not easy, for it requires resisting the comfort of the flesh.7/18/1996
A garden where birds sing, breezes blow, the scent of soil rises, and living things ripple with life is a place where God dwells—so it brings joy and delight to the heart. As I tended and watched over the vegetables, strength returned to my weary soul. The garden of the soul is a precious place that must be cultivated with time and devotion. We must stay awake to discern whether what is growing there is useful or whether it is weeds that weaken and exhaust the spirit. A garden where humility, love, joy, gratitude, praise, and worship grow in order and beauty becomes a resting place for the soul.
After pulling the weeds from the garden, my heart felt refreshed and light. Lifting the trowel of the Word and prayer, I turn to the weeds of vanity and worldly attachment growing in the garden of my soul.
그동안 미뤄오던 텃밭을 손보기 위해 뒷뜰에 나가 보았습니다. 진작에 손을 보고 분가를 해주었어야 되는데 시기를 잡지 못하고 있다가 나가보니, 상추, 깻잎, 딸기, 오이, 호박이 한대 어울려 저마다 안간힘을 쓰며 힘들게 자라고 있었습니다. 가는 허리를 내밀고 있는 부추잎 사이에 깻잎들이 자라나고, 겨울내내 쉬지도 않고 넝쿨을 뻗어가던 딸기가 왠만한 땅은 다 점령 한채, 초록의 깃발을 날리고 있었습니다. 도대체 모두가 어울어져 무엇이 무엇인지 알 수 없었습니다. 그 틈 사이에 작년 가을, 나무 위에서 떨어졌던 도토리들도 여기 저기서 어엿이 그 뿌리를 내리고 한자리들을 차지하고 있었습니다. 조그만 땅조각이 무질서와 혼돈으로 가득하였습니다. 그동안 바쁘다고 핑계를 대고 시간을 내지 못하는 동안에도 땅은 열심히 쉬지않고 생명을 키우고 있었으며, 심지 않은 것들과 심은 것들이 너도나도 숨가쁘게 자라고 있었던 것입니다.
저는 미안한 마음과 설레는 마음으로 텃밭을 향하여 꽃삽을 들고 하나씩 하나씩 정리하기 시작하였습니다. 도토리 나무의 어린 뿌리가 잘 뽑혀지지 않았으나, 그냥 놔둘 수 없었었습니다. 가장 왕성한 번식을 하였던 딸기 넝쿨들도 뽑아내거나, 빈 땅으로 옮겨주었습니다. 엉겅퀴와 풀들도 사정없이 잘라내고 걷어내면서 여유를 주었습니다.
그동안 몇년째 물없이 누렇게 생명 만 유지하고 있던 미나리는 여러개의 물통에 옮겨 주고 넉넉히 물을 부어주고 나니, 하늘을 안은 미나리들이 앞다투어 감사하다고 고개를 살랑거리는 것 같았습니다. 저렇게 말없는 식물들도 조금 만 사랑해주고 돌봐주면 감사해하는데, 사람들에게 너무나 무관심하고 예민하지 못하여 그들의 삶이 누렁 잎사귀 같은 모습은 모두가 내탓이구나! 싶었습니다. 생기를 얻은 미나리들의 잎사이로 떨어지는 빗방울들이 동그랗게 무늬를 그리며 금방이라도 청개구리들이 고개를 내밀고 “개골 개골“ 울어줄 것 만 같았습니다.
한나절을 엎드리어 땀을 흘리며, 흙을 손에 묻히고보니 그토록 무질서 하던 텃밭이 이제는 한눈에 질서있는 모습으로 들어왔습니다. 저는 텃밭을 들여다 보면서 나의 영혼도 잠시라도 돌봐주지 않으면 저모양으로 있겠지! 하며 제 영혼의 텃밭을
생각해 보았습니다.
이상한 일입니다. 심지 않은 잡풀들이 무성하게 자라듯, 세상 것들은 씨를 뿌리지 않아도 영혼의 밭에 떨어지기 만 하면 금방 깊은 뿌리를 내립니다. 교만, 판단, 분노와 탐욕의 씨앗은 순식간에 자라고 무성하게 덮어버립니다. 그러나, 진실되고 성화된 믿음의 씨앗은 참으로 힘들게 뿌리를 내리고 싹을 틔여 올립니다. 그러나, 싹이 오를 때에는 별로 달라보이지 않으나, 어느날 그 아름다움의 꽃을 피울 때에는 그 향취와 자태 앞에 모두가 반하게 됩니다. 그 아름다움과 향기는 많은 세대를 넘으며 발하게 됩니다.
텃밭의 잡초를 뽑아내고 가꾸는 것- 마음을 비우며 믿음을 키워나가는 비결입니다. 마음의 잡풀이 하나 둘 싹트기 시작할 때, 매일 매일 돌아보지 아니하면, 믿음의 씨앗은 연약해지고 병들어 갑니다. 어느새 찾아온 적당과 타협의 넝쿨들이 마음
밭을 뒤덮어버립니다. 한포기 믿음의 나무를 키우기 위해선 말씀으로 심령의 밭을 다스리고 기도의 땀흘림이 있어야 합니다. 끊임없는 영적인 노동은 사실 쉽지 않습니다. 육신의 안이함에 맞서 투쟁해야 만이 얻어질 수 있는 산물이기 때문입니다.
새가 있고 바람이 있고, 흙의 향기와 살아있는 생명들이 물결치는 텃밭은, 하나님이 함께하는 곳이기에 마음에 즐거움과 기쁨이 있습니다. 푸성귀들을 돌보고 바라보는 동안 지치고 피곤한 영혼에 소생하는 힘을 얻습니다. 영혼의 텃밭- 시간과 정열을 쏟아 가꾸어야 될 귀한 장소입니다. 이 텃밭에서 자라고 있는 것들이 쓸만한 것들인지, 아니면 나의 영혼을 병들고 지치게 하는 잡초들인지 깨어 돌봐야 합니다. 겸손과 사랑, 기쁨과 감사, 찬양과 경배의 화초들이 질서있고 아름답게 자라는 텃밭은 나의 쉼터가 됩니다.
텃밭의 잡풀들을 뽑고나니 마음도 즐겁고 상쾌해집니다. 제 영혼의 텃밭에 자라고 있는 세상을 향한 온갖 허영심과 미련의 잡풀들 위에 말씀과 기도의 삽을 들어봅니다.
At our church, we share a fellowship meal of love every Friday evening. Even though it is late, the members finish their day’s work and hurry to the sanctuary, where they sit together around the table, sing hymns, and listen to the Word of God—the manna of life. Then, with simple bread or crackers shared with water or juice, we honestly speak about our failures and victories as Christians throughout the week.
It is never easy to look back on one’s week as a Christian and share openly with courage. When we confess the times we failed to live as salt and light in our daily lives, we ask one another for prayer for our weaknesses and sins. We confess before God that we are all sinners, and we reaffirm that God alone is our strength and power.
One deaconess was the first to open her heart wide. “I almost didn’t make it here tonight, but I’m so glad I came,” she said as she began to share what had happened that day. She and her husband run a dry-cleaning business, and it was the day they raise the annual wages of their employee who works the press. Her husband had already decided on an amount—so generous that it startled her—and asked for her thoughts. Shocked, she protested, “What? Other businesses are struggling so much they’re letting employees go, and we’re raising wages that much?”
Her husband, faced with her strong opposition, quietly replied, “I don’t understand why you’re against raising his pay. Either give up your position as a deacon, or agree to the raise. Choose one.” “…What does being a deacon have to do with raising an employee’s wages?” she shot back. She had always prided herself on being ahead of her husband in faith, but his words struck her deeply. “You hear every week at church that we must love our neighbor. Why don’t you practice it? How much will we really lose by being a little more generous to someone who is poor?”
Even though she knew her husband was right, she still felt uneasy and reluctant to agree to the wage increase. When the workday ended and it was time to go to church, she hesitated to ask her husband for a ride, remembering his ultimatum: “Either give up being a deacon or agree to the raise.” She felt completely stuck.
Finally, though her heart wasn’t fully willing, she approached her husband to make peace. “Alright, dear. Starting next month, let’s do it your way.” She admitted that she said it mostly because she wanted to go to church—but once she said it, a joy unexpectedly welled up inside her, and she found herself giving thanks to God. She confessed how double‑minded she had been as a Christian and testified that loving one’s neighbor is not an abstract idea after all.
All the gathered members rejoiced in her victory and saw in her story a mirror of themselves.
We often hear the saying, “When our eyes are closed in prayer, we are Christians; but when our eyes open, we are not.” Unless our daily lives and our faith walk together, we inevitably find ourselves in difficulty. I, too, experience this often. First John 3:18 says, “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence.”
Among the many challenges in my spiritual life, “deeds and truth” remains one of the greatest. There are more times when my words and actions do not align than when they do, and each time, my conscience convicts me. The world expects Christians to live out this responsibility. Knowing that a sinner can live aware of their sin is itself God’s grace. And “deeds and truth”—this is surely the lifelong assignment God has given me.
Daily Sauntering 
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