My Spiritual Journey So Far, New Jersey 1982

An Autobiography Requirement, TH 501-01 course in the Drew Theological School, Madison, New Jersey, on September 29, 1982

THE FOUR STAGES ON MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

I. Awakening Personal Love – The First Stage

During my teenage years (1963–1968), I served as president of the youth group at Heuksukdong Methodist Church. There, I learned more about the Bible, Christian morality, and worship liturgy than I ever had in school. As the second son in my family, I often felt lonely, so I poured myself into church leadership. From tenth grade, I dedicated much of my time to teaching Sunday School (grades 1–6) and organizing events like Summer Vacation Bible School. I worked tirelessly, even spending nights preparing materials and plans.

One unforgettable winter day, I saw a child fall through the thin ice on the Han River. Instinctively, I dove in to save him. Beneath the freezing water, I felt death near as flashes of my life passed before my eyes. Miraculously, we both survived, emerging like frozen statues. While his parents offered no gratitude and my mother scolded me for my wet clothes, I felt something unexpected—joy. I had saved a life. In that moment, I felt as if I were soaring like a bird. This experience awakened a profound sense of love within me—the kind Jesus spoke of. It marked the beginning of my spiritual journey.

II. Awakening Love in Social Justice – The Second Stage

In college, I was deeply influenced by Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s example. Living under Korea’s military regime, many students began to awaken to the realities of oppression and dehumanization. Bonhoeffer inspired me as a pastor, scholar, and martyr—a man committed to truth.

In my second year at Seoul Methodist Seminary, I left my middle-class home and moved to the slums of Songjung-dong to live among the poor. There, two powerful experiences shaped my understanding of justice:

First, I saw a group of children laughing as they poked through the debris of a dried canal. As I approached, I realized with horror they were poking at the corpse of a newborn. Likely abandoned by a young, desperate mother, this tragedy revealed the brutal social conditions of runaways and street children.

Second, I witnessed the death of a young man, Tae-il Jeon, who self-immolated to protest the unjust labor practices of garment factories. His sacrifice stirred something deep within me. I resolved to become a radical liberator—organizing people for civil rights and resisting political oppression. Jesus, to me, became the liberator of history—the one who disrupted the legacy of Cain and turned it toward justice.

This marked my first clear calling in ministry—from 1970–1972 in Seoul, and again from 1977–1980 in Busan.

III. Awakening Myself as a Pastor – The Third Stage

During my military service (1973–1975), I built a chapel and served as a local pastor. Devotional practices, prayer, and worship sustained me. In 1976, I became assistant pastor at Buam Methodist Church in Busan. This church was filled with prayer: about 15 members prayed through the night, and over 40 joined the daily 4 a.m. prayer service. When I preached on Ezekiel, I could sense the power of the Holy Spirit moving in our congregation.

However, I soon returned to ministry in urban and industrial contexts, organizing student and labor groups in Busan and Masan. The pivotal moment came in 1980 with the Pu-Ma uprising and the Gwangju Massacre, following the assassination of President Park Chung-hee. Despite all our efforts, justice seemed out of reach.

At that moment, I felt utterly empty. Though I was a pastor, I realized I had not yet encountered the living Christ in a real way. I heard God’s voice whisper: “Go to the desert.” I understood this as a call to spiritual formation—a time of solitude and reflection. Out of this desolation came my second calling: to serve as a local pastor devoted to the inner life of faith. I believed “the local congregation is the grass root of the Kingdom of God.”

IV. Awakening the Reality of the Word through Mystical Contemplation – The Fourth Stage

One foggy December morning in 1981, while walking the campus of Drew University, I quietly sang the hymn “Fight the Good Fight.” Suddenly, the words of 2 Timothy 4:6–8 stirred my heart. St. Paul, facing death, declared: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” How could anyone speak with such assurance?

I realized it wasn’t Paul himself, but the Holy Spirit within him. In that moment, I encountered the living presence of Jesus Christ. I felt warmth and strength flood my soul. Tears streamed down my face as joy overtook me. Jesus was in me, and I was in Him.

This was not a concept, but a lived experience—the third and deepest calling in my spiritual journey. I surrendered my entire life to Christ. Love, I understood, was not about ideas but total self-giving. My heart burned with the Word.

This awakening, born through mystical contemplation, remains the most distinct and transformative experience of my journey. Since then, I have stood in the unshakable hope of God, able to say each day, “Here am I! Send me!”

Lord, please keep my pride beneath the feet of a child. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.