Last week, I deliberately chose to lie down and rest.
I wasn’t sick with a cold, nor was I suffering from body aches.
Rather, I closed the gate of my heart tightly against the world,
and, clutching my small wounds, I became like a bird moaning in pain,
nestled alone in my own little cage.

Even as I sat in the cold early morning wind inside the sanctuary,
the door of prayer remained shut.
Tears welled up while reading the Word, but my heart only felt more desolate.
Peace had vanished from within, and waves of anxiety and deep despair about myself
kept crashing in—
as if I were sinking into the darkness.

I missed the sun terribly.
Like a desert wanderer longing for the scorching sun,
I was unknowingly waiting for it to shine again, hot and bright,
on my chilled spirit.

In trying to imitate Christ,
I came to realize that what was truly dwelling inside me
was not love—but duty wearing a mask of love.
And seeing that weak, naked self was deeply painful and shameful.

How many more days must I endure the fire of refinement?
How many more times must I be melted down
to filter out every last impurity?
The small spark of love’s accomplishment
is blown out by the faintest breeze
and reduced to ashes.

Then came something that pierced me even more—
I was deeply hurt by an unjust insult,
something I could not easily forgive.
While trying to hold back my anger,
a letter arrived in the mail.
It was from my old friend, Kem Monk, a photographer
I hadn’t heard from in years.
The letter was titled, “In Search of Angels.”
And it came like a healing balm to my aching heart—
a gift that restored deep inner peace.
I want to share it with you:

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**”Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about whether God still uses angels for His beloved people.
I believe that there are angels with wings and glowing halos in white robes—
but I’ve also come to know that God uses people without wings and halos
as angels for those He loves.

God wants to use us, even today, as angels
to care for the wounded and brokenhearted.
Some, like Mother Teresa, are used as angels throughout their entire lives.
But most of us are also given chances to play the role of an angel.

If we open the door of our hearts and fully surrender,
He will guide us to live a life like that of an angel.
God didn’t create us to be robots obeying His commands without will—
He gave us the freedom to choose.

We can respond with a ready, ‘Yes, Lord!’
or delay our decision to obey,
or even say ‘No.’
But even if we respond too late,
the day will come when we regret
not recognizing God’s call.

God doesn’t shout or demand immediate action.
He always waits quietly for us to decide and obey on our own.

What I want to say is this:
God often accomplishes great things
through paths we never expect.

So you must open the door of your heart to His call.
He never promised to keep us from pain or suffering
in order to use us as His angels.
But when we seek Him and open our hearts,
we begin to understand the true love of God—
a love that gives us the strength and courage to overcome.

Living as an angel does not mean wings will sprout from your back
or a halo will shine above your head.
There may be no dramatic physical change—
but inside, your soul will be transformed.

When God uses you as His angel,
you won’t hesitate to reach out to the suffering.
And His burning love will radiate from you like a halo.
That path can only open in the deep peace of your soul—
and you will know that He is always with you.

I wonder how you’re doing, my dear friend.
I pray for your well-being always.
Don’t forget—you are one of God’s angels.”*

– From your loving friend, Kem

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To someone like me—curled up, refusing everything, groaning in the dark like a wounded bird—
God sent His angel through this letter.
With it, I found the strength to rise again, my injured wings trembling.

These days helped me see a painful truth:
when we shut ourselves off from God and people,
the only things guaranteed to enter are loneliness, despair, and darkness.

Yes, it’s true—
God never promised year-round sunshine to anyone.
Through rain, wind, and storms—
and the calm that follows—
through sunlight after dark clouds,
nature becomes more beautiful,
and people mature.

Even now, I find endless comfort in God’s hand,
which sends unseen angelic touches
and visible angels close by to comfort and soothe me.

To my angels—near and far—who pray for me,
thank you.

wanheeyoon@hotmail.com