가믐

마름이 아니네

그리움이

넘쳐

떠나 보내다

보낼 것 없어

마름질 하듯

목마른

흔적이

내일이 두려워

소리를

함성으로

모으는

바른 곳

윤 태헌

2023년

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안개

벽을 향해 읹았는데

냇물이 흐르는게 보여

산허리에 흐트러지듯

그래 그렇지

밫바랜 그리움이 천리안에도

끼었는가 보다.

윤 태헌

2023년 7월 22일

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Another Union

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Advent

December opened quietly but surely

Walking and walking since January

Advent brings the road

Expecting jolly walking

Grief and stress all over

Hope in stillness

Make the road rather

Congruent all faith

Ready for being happy songs

Silently rise in unison

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Bell

Ringing as birthing

Ringing as dying

Lost voice at the edge of the village

Lost awkward dance

You are perched on the edge of a trembling pillar, reaching for the sky splitting it in two.

That day, with bowed head,

in the morning and evening, morning and evening,

The sound of a snake’s tail brushing against grass,

startled by the desolate lunchbox of a soldier.

An empty underground

Starts ringing,

Rise and leave

Rise and leave

Yes, like a crouched rock on the hill,

as if soaring towards the sunset,

it shall faint with a pale sound.

With broken feathers,

lightly, tenderly plucking it out,

whispering softly,

No more war!

No more war!

– July 18, 2023

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Basic Facts: Forming My Character – An Autobiographical Reflection, New Jersey 1982

(One of requirements of TH 501-01, Drew Theological School on September 15, 1982.)

In 1951, after eight months of war exile, my family returned to Seoul, the capital of South Korea. It was a time when the city, like its people, was struggling to recover from the devastation of the Korean War. My father, who was fortunate to find work as a mechanical engineer, helped our family regain its footing and rejoin the Korean middle class. He spent much of his life designing machines for acetic acid production and building factory systems, contributing to Korea’s post-war industrial recovery. Yet, despite his professional achievements, life at home was marked by quiet tension.

A Household of Silence

Although my father worked hard to support us, he was often emotionally distant. He rarely spoke, and our household was a quiet one, shaped by unspoken conflicts between my parents. The silence wasn’t just due to the trauma of the war; it also stemmed from deeper, cultural and personal issues.

In those days, Korean marriages were usually arranged by the heads of the families, with little regard for the feelings or preferences of the bride and groom. My parents’ marriage followed this tradition. Complicating matters further was the fact that my father was two years younger than my mother—a situation that defied traditional Korean customs, where the man was expected to hold authority within the household. Yet, in our home, it was my mother who took on the role of commander, managing the children and household affairs with firm resolve. This power imbalance led to emotional distance between them.

A Childhood of Duty and Responsibility

In the midst of these silent tensions, my siblings and I grew up without witnessing much affection between our parents or receiving verbal praise ourselves. Instead, we were taught to fulfill our duties and contribute to the household. Each child had specific responsibilities. My task was to clean the floors and fetch water daily from a well located miles away, filling a 100-gallon ceramic water container at home. It was hard work, and at times, I felt sorrowful and exhausted. Yet, I learned to endure without complaint, as my mother expected nothing less from me as the middle son.

My two sisters carried even heavier responsibilities. They not only helped manage the household but also took care of our baby brother and prepared the family’s meals every day. Despite their efforts, we rarely heard words of appreciation. Love and encouragement were not expressed openly in our home, yet we quietly depended on each other to keep the household running.

Lessons in Endurance and Family Bonds

Looking back, I realize that those early years shaped me in profound ways. The hard work, discipline, and sense of duty instilled in me by my mother became gifts from God, teaching me the value of perseverance and the importance of family bonds. These lessons laid the foundation for my character and have guided me throughout my life.

Even though our family lived in silence and endured emotional challenges, we stayed together. My parents never separated or divorced, despite their differences. From them, I learned that endurance and responsibility are key to maintaining the bonds that hold a family—and, by extension, society—together.

Today, I see how those early struggles taught me to be resilient, dependable, and compassionate toward others. My experiences as a child, though sometimes difficult, were part of God’s plan to shape my character and prepare me for the journey ahead.

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Basic Facts: My Birth and Early Life – A Childhood Amid War and Survival, New Jersey 1982

(One of requirements of TH 501-01, Drew Theological School on September 15, 1982.)

I was born on July 7, 1949, as the second son and the third child in my family. Just two weeks before my first birthday, the Korean War broke out on June 25, 1950, shattering the fragile peace in our homeland. My earliest memories, though shaped by stories shared later, are rooted in the chaos, fear, and resilience that defined that tumultuous time.

As the war erupted, communist forces rapidly advanced into Seoul, forcing my family to flee southward to escape the violence. My father, conscripted by the Korean Army, had no choice but to leave my mother, my older brother (then 13), my sister (11), and me—a baby of just 11 months. With no certainty of his return, my mother shouldered the overwhelming responsibility of protecting her three children while navigating the dangers of war.

Carrying me on her back, she trudged through dusty roads and crowded refugee paths. Amid the chaos, my cries pierced the air as we moved further from the only home we had known. Food was scarce, and safety was uncertain. On my first birthday, instead of a celebration, my mother managed to secure a small piece of Indian millet bread by exchanging her precious golden wedding ring. That bread, eaten with my tiny, frozen hands as she carried me on her back, became a symbol of survival—a testament to her sacrifice and strength.

The Ongoing War and Its Aftermath

Even today, the Korean War has not officially ended. The Demilitarized Zone (DMZ), stretching 155 miles along the 38th parallel, remains a stark reminder of the division between North and South Korea. Decades have passed, but the armistice conference continues, leaving the wounds of war unhealed and the future uncertain.

For my family, life after the war brought new challenges but also new beginnings. Two more siblings were born—my younger sister and brother—who are now 28 and 25 years old, respectively. My older brother, who is 45 years old and a medical doctor in Connecticut, played a crucial role in helping our entire family immigrate to the United States, where we sought new opportunities and a brighter future.

A Mother’s Faith and Transformation

Amid the hardships of war and displacement, my mother’s spiritual journey took a profound turn. She had been a devout shamanist for much of her life, seeking guidance and strength through traditional practices. However, after the war, she experienced a spiritual transformation and converted to Christianity. This new faith gave her hope and resilience as she rebuilt our family’s life in the post-war years. Her faith would later become a guiding light for me as well, shaping my own spiritual path.

A Story of Resilience

My early life was marked by survival, sacrifice, and the unbreakable bond of family. Though my first birthday was spent on the road, fleeing from the ravages of war, that moment became a defining chapter in my life’s story—a reminder of the resilience and courage of my mother and the faith that sustained us through the darkest of times.

As I look back on those early years, I am humbled by the sacrifices made by my parents and siblings and inspired by the strength that carried us forward. Their legacy continues to shape who I am today.

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Green Onion in Winter

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Brussel at 6 am

The plane left Dhaka at midnight

and arrived at Brussel at 6 am.  

The team need to wait for 5 hours.

The flight for Washington D.C.

will be at 11:15 am.

We go around and check through the security.

There are few homes away from home.

I could not sleep at all.

Other folks seemed not to be excited

to go home much than me.

I am so happy to go home.

From Brussel to Washington DC

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Football

Learning on my Couch:

Fighting tense, exuberant, and dangerous.

without mercy,

on the grass within 100 yards and 160 feet.

10 big men like black bears to execute orders

of the commanding crew of scientific planners

for dashing 10 yards dash.

Some unfortunate lost,

but 75 yards in single running.

Under raining, snowing, or storming

with speed, slow-motion, jumping with Gymnastic moves:

forward roll, cast, somersault, handstand, back handspring, round off, turn in one feet, flip over, split leap, and throw, pass, you name.

When tie each other of regular time ends goes over extends, 10 minutes.

Token toss to take possession.

Touch down win the game.

But sometimes go down within 40 seconds or only 4 seconds

to make end.

Next score win the game.

Ah, craziest American.

Fun time of hypertension.

Ah, is it art indeed?

Believe it’s beyond the business.

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