Some time ago, a church member asked me this question:
“They say you must meet Jesus, but can’t I just believe without meeting Him? Honestly, I do believe in Jesus, but I’m afraid to meet Him!”
“Are you afraid?” I asked in return.
“It’s not so much that we find Jesus,” I replied, “but that He is always seeking us!”
I could understand her heart. Before I met Jesus myself, I too thought that meeting Him would somehow make my life less free. But when I finally met the Lord, I experienced the coming of springtime into my life.
Just a few weeks ago, I watched as a certain deaconess met the Lord and began living a new life. It reminded me once again that meeting Jesus in one’s lifetime is the most urgent and important matter—something that should never be postponed until tomorrow.
This woman, in her 30s, is the mother of three young boys aged two, three, and four, and serves as the accompanist for the church choir. Though she was always bright and cheerful, it was no easy task to care for her three small children, her mother-in-law, and still take the lead in accompanying worship on Sundays, Wednesdays, and at dawn prayer meetings. Not a single moment in her day allowed her to rest her mind.
Deep inside, though she appeared peaceful outwardly, her heart was splitting into a thousand pieces. She even began to suffer from worsening depression without realizing it. She secretly carried resentment toward her mother-in-law, often thinking, “If only she would go live with one of the other children…”
Her pastor, who had long been concerned for her weary soul and body, encouraged her—though knowing it would be a stretch—to attend a spiritual retreat. She hesitated greatly, worried about the children, but after much inner struggle, she decided to go. Just two days before the retreat, however, her mother-in-law slipped, injured her arm severely, and required surgery. To make matters worse, her non-believing mother called to strongly oppose her going, warning her with the words of a fortune-teller: “If you leave home and go far away, you’ll die.”
Though she had tried to share the gospel with her mother for years, every New Year her mother would visit a fortune-teller and share her predictions. Sometimes they were so accurate that the deaconess, without realizing it, began to rely on them. Now, fear gripped her: What will happen to my children if I die?
After much hesitation, prayer, and tears, she made a firm decision: “Even if I die, let me die in the Lord.” She entrusted her three children to a devout elder woman, arranged for her sister-in-law to care for her mother-in-law for three days, and went to the retreat.
There, God showed that even in situations beyond human control, He meets those who seek Him without giving up. The deaconess met Jesus and awoke from a deep spiritual sleep. With her soul filled with the Holy Spirit, the world appeared entirely different. She confessed:
“Every morning used to be a battle. I would scream to wake up my two older children still deep in sleep, sometimes hitting them, sometimes sending them off crying, and then spending the rest of the day miserable about it. But now I start my day with prayer, asking God to bless and protect each child. When I hug them and pray over them, they wake up happily—no struggle at all.
And something amazing happened: every word from my mother-in-law, which used to sound like nagging, now feels like precious advice I need. I realized she is the source of blessing in our home, and I began to see her as an angel.
That’s not all. In the evenings, my husband now spends time reading the Bible instead of hiding away in his room. I used to unload all my frustrations—about the kids not listening, the stress from my mother-in-law, and my feelings of being unappreciated—onto him. But now I see him as precious and admirable.
I also realized I was wrong to pressure my mother into believing in Jesus by arguing with her when she tried to stop me from going to church. As the Bible says, ‘The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love’ (Galatians 5:6). I learned that I must love and accept her with the love of Christ.”
Seeing her transformation, I prayed, “Lord, such a miracle can only come from You. Thank You! Thank You! You plow up a barren life and make it rich soil, bringing forth a bountiful harvest. Like the life-giving energy of spring breaking through the frozen ground, let streams of green hope and joy always flow into our thistle-covered lives. Keep us from settling in our present state, and help us always rise to seek new life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
– Letter from the Parsonage (Four O’Clock Flower Story, Part Four) 2001, WanHee Yoon
“도대체 예수님을 꼭 만나야 된다는데, 만나지 않고 믿기만 하면 되지 않을까요? 솔직히 저는 예수님을 믿긴 믿지만 만나는 것은 겁이나 거든요!”
“두려우세요?” 저는 되물었습니다.
“예수님을 우리가 찾는다기보다는, 예수님이 늘 우리를 찾아오시지 요!”
저는 성도님의 마음을 이해할 수 있었습니다. 사실 예수님을 만나기 전까지, 저 자신도 주님을 만나면 삶이 부자유해지는 줄 알았었습니다. 그런데 막상 예수님을 만나게 되니 제 삶 속에 봄날이 찾아드는 체험을 하게 되었습니다.
몇 주 전에 어느 여집사님이 주님을 만나시고 새로운 삶을 사시는 것을 보면서, 사람이 그 생애에 예수님을 만나는 일을 내일로 미뤄서는 안될, 가장 중대한 사실임을 또다시 깨닫게 되었습니다. 30대의 여 집사님은 현재 두 살, 세 살, 네 살짜리의 어린 세 아들의 어머니로, 교회에서 성가대 반주자로 봉사하시는 분입니다. 늘 밝고 명랑한 분이지만, 어린 아들 셋과 시어머니를 모시며 주일 예배, 삼일예배, 또 새벽기도회 반주까지 솔선하여 담당하시는 일은 쉬운 일이 아니었습니다. 하루에 한시도 마음을 놓고 쉴 사이가 없었습니다. 또한 시어머니에 대해서 늘 마음속에 ‘제발 다른 자녀들 집에 가셔서 살았으 면 ….’ 하는 생각으로 자신을 괴롭히며 살아야 했습니다.
겉으로 보기엔 평안한 것같이 보여도 집사님의 내면은 수천 갈래로 분열되어 갔습니다. 자신도 모르게 우울증도 심화되어 갔습니다. 평소에 집사님의 지친 영혼과 몸을 지탱하는 것을 안타까워하던 목사님 은, 무리인 줄 알면서도 영성 클리닉을 권유하여 참석하시도록 하였습니다. 집사님은 아이들 걱정으로 무척 망설이시다가 어려운 결정 끝에, 내일 모래면 영성 클리닉에 들어가시게 되었는데, 아뿔사! 시어머님이 눈에서 미끄러져 팔을 크게 다치시고 병원에서 수술을 받게 되었습니다. 엎친데 덥친다고, 믿지 않으시는 친정어머니가 전화를 하시어 ‘네가 집을 떠나 멀리 가면 죽는단다!”라는 점쟁이의 말을 전하시면서 영성 클리닉의 참석을 적극적으로 반대하셨습니다. 평소에 집사님은 친정어머니를 전도하느라고 노력은 했으나, 매해 정초가 되면 틀림없이 점쟁이에게 다녀오셔서 전해주시는 새해의 운수에 대해서 기대를 갖기도 하고, 때로는 족집게같이 맞추는 것이 신기해서 자신도 모르게 은근히 어머니의 점괘에 의존하며 살던 집사님은 겁이 나기도 했습니다.
만약에 내가 죽게 되면 우리 아이들은 어떻게 하나! 죽음의 두려움이 무섭게 누르고 있는 자신을 발견했습니다. 집사님은 수없이 망설이며 고민도 하고 기도하는 가운데, “죽어도 하나님 안에서 죽자” 라는 결단 속에, 아이들 셋을 예수님 잘 믿는 권사님께 맡기시고, 시어 머니는 큰시누이에게 3일만 모셔달라는 부탁을 하고 영성 클리닉에 참여하게 되었습니다.
하나님께서는 인간이 할 수 없는 상황에서도 포기하지 않고 하나님을 찾게 될 때, 틀림없이 만나주심을 보게 되었습니다. 집사님은 그곳 에서 예수님을 만나, 영혼의 깊은 잠에서 화들짝 깨어나게 되었습니다. 집사님의 맑은 영혼이 성령으로 가득하니 세상이 전혀 다른 세상 이었습니다. 집사님은 고백했습니다.
“전 아침이면 날마다 전쟁이었습니다. 아직도 잠에 취해 있는 큰 아이 둘을 너서리에 보내기 위해 소리소리 지르며 깨워야 되었으며, 때로는 아이들을 때리기도 하고 억지로 울려서 보내고 나면, 하루종일 속상해서 그것 때문에 괴로워하기도 했습니다. 그런데 요즈음엔 그럴 필요가 없어졌어요. 이젠 먼저 하나님께 기도로 하루 일과를 시작하게 되었는데, 애가 자고 있으면 가서 하나씩 꼭 품에 안고 하루의 생활 을 지켜달라고 기도해 주면 아이들이 기분좋게 일어나게 되어, 하나도 힘 안 들이고 학교엘 갑니다. 그리고 이상한 일은 시어머님이 말씀 하시는 것은 모두 잔소리로만 들렸었는데, 이제는 그 한 말씀 한 말씀 이 참으로 저에게 필요한 귀한 말씀들임을 깨닫게 되었어요. 우리 가정에 복의 근원이 어머니이신 것을 알게 되었을 뿐 아니라, 어머니가 저에겐 천사로 보이는 거예요. 그뿐만이 아닙니다. 저녁에 남편이 들 어오면, 식사 후 자기 방으로 들어가 성경말씀만 읽느라고 저녁 시간을 보내는 거예요. 저는 하루종일 있었던, 아이들이 엄마의 말을 듣지 않은 이야기, 시어머니로 인한 스트레스를 풀기 위해 그를 괴롭히고, 늘 저의 마음을 알아 주지 않는 것 같아 섭섭했는데, 이제는 남편이 귀하고 훌륭하게 보이지 않겠어요? 또한 친정어머니가 저를 교회에 못가게 하실 때면 역으로 어머니를 괴롭히며 예수 믿으라고 같이 핍박 했는데, 그것이 잘못임을 알았어요. ‘그리스도 예수 안에서는 할례나 무할례가 효력이 없되 사랑으로써 역사하는 믿음뿐이니라 (갈 5:6) 하신 말씀대로 어머니를 주님의 사랑으로 사랑하고 받아주는 일임을 알게 되었어요!”
저는 집사님의 변화된 모습을 보면서 “이런 기적은 하나님 외엔 일으키실 수 없습니다. 하나님! 감사드려요! 정말 감사드려요! 박토와 같은 인생을 갈아 엎으시고, 기름진 옥토로 만드사, 그 소출을 거두게 하 시는 예수님! 언 땅을 헤치고 솟아오르는 봄의 기운처럼, 엉겅퀴로 뒤 덮인 우리의 삶에 초록빛 소망과 기쁨의 물줄기가 언제나 솟아오르게 하옵소서. 우리를 현실에 안주하지 말게 하옵시고, 새로운 생명을 찾아 언제나 일어나게 하옵소서. 예수님의 이름으로 감사드립니다. 아멘”하고 기도하게 되었습니다.
Commemorating the 80th Anniversary of Korea’s Liberation
Lectio – Reading the Word
“Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry for help come to you… My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food. I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruins… But you, O Lord, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations. You will arise and have compassion on Zion; for it is time to show favor to her… The nations will fear the name of the Lord… The children of your servants will live in your presence; their descendants will be established before you.” — Psalm 102:1, 4, 6, 12–13, 15, 28
On the eve of Korea’s 80th Liberation Day, a broadcast echoed across the land: “Korea Lives On! Daehan Has Risen! The Spirit of Korea Endures!” Like the psalmist, our people once knew captivity, silence, and sorrow. Yet the God who heard Zion’s cry is the same God who heard ours.
Meditatio – Reflecting on the Word
Psalm 102 is both deeply personal and profoundly communal. It is the cry of one whose life feels shattered— and the plea of a nation longing for restoration.
The psalmist speaks of loneliness like a bird alone on the roof, and of hope that God will rebuild what is broken. In Korea’s own story, there were years when chains bound the body, but never the spirit. Like Israel in exile, our people dreamed of homecoming— and God, in His time, brought renewal.
This is not just about political liberation. It is about God’s faithfulness through generations— a faithfulness that outlasts empires, a mercy that spans centuries.
Oratio – Responding in Prayer
Lord of all nations, You have seen our tears in exile and our joy in freedom. You have carried both our personal wounds and the shared pain of our people.
Forgive our pride, our selfish gain, and our divisions. Make our leaders servants of the whole, not the few. Turn the walls within us into bridges of grace.
For those still in bondage—in spirit, in circumstance, in injustice— hear their groans and set them free. Let the flag of every nation wave not in arrogance, but in gratitude for Your mercy.
Contemplatio – Resting in God
Be still. Remember that “You remain the same, and Your years will never end.”
On the cross, Christ wore the crown of thorns— bearing the loneliness of the desert bird, the shame of the broken heart, the exile of the soul.
And yet, from the ruins, He rose. So too shall His people, whether in Jerusalem, in Seoul, or in every place His name is honored.
Daehan lives—not only in the land, but in every heart made new in Christ.
Wind and earth draw their veil over the age of Kali, and vision falters.
The wind rises—not with gentleness, but with a fierce intent, scouring the plains clean with truths long neglected. The earth shudders, not in labor, but in burial, covering the age in dust and unbroken quiet.
Eyes can no longer see beyond the curtain. Hearts lose the trail they once trusted. Time itself stumbles, and the stars grow dim, as if in mourning.
This is the hour when sight is arrested, when prophets speak only in fragments, and the wise fall silent before what cannot be named.
Yet beneath that hush a seed endures— hidden in consecrated ground, waiting for the breath of mercy.
And when the veil is lifted, it will not be torn away by force, but opened by the gentle return of justice, of joy, of the One who sees clearly, even in the deepest dark.
Note: …The Buma Democratic Uprising was a short-term citizen movement that occurred between 16th and 20th of October, 1979. It was related to the incident that Kim Young-Sam, the president of New Democratic Party, was dismissed from membership of the Assembly relating to the YH incident under the economic instability of inflation due to oil shock during the Yushin Regime. As the dictatorship’s tyranny of the Yushin Regime continued, Busan University students began anti-government demonstration, which was expanded to universities in Gyeongnam and Masan. The government enforced martial law and invoked the Garrison Act to firmly control the demonstrations in Gyeongnam including Busan. As President Park Jeong-Hee was assassinated on October 26, 1979 while the Buma Uprising was coming to a lull, the uprising ended early and became a historic citizen movement that had a decisive influence on the termination of the Yushin Regime. It was understood that the Gwangju Democratic Uprising on May.18 occurred in relation to the Buma Uprising and is categorized into a representative democratic movement against the cruel military power. The Gwangju Democratic Uprising is similar to the Buma Uprising in that both of them resisted dictatorship. However, the Gwangju Uprising is different in that it was a citizen’s movement against military power and citizen soldiers were organized, and is also different in the period of the movement, the number of victims, and the process of truth ascertainment. Korea’s democracy contains a variety of components including independence movement and nationalism during the Japanese Imperialism, the Korean War, anti-communist education, democratic movement and citizen education. The Buma Democratic Uprising and the Gwangju Democratic Uprising have a significant meaning in that they developed Korea’s democracy further as they were inherited to the June Democracy Movement of 1987. – by Kim Joo-Sam, Daejin University
I own many hats. Whether they suit me or not, I must change them according to the circumstances.
Once, I lived the life of a fashion designer; I learned—both in theory and in practice—which hats fit well and which did not suit at all.
But after becoming a pastor’s wife, the many hats I was compelled to wear without choice often felt unbearably burdensome.
At times, it was like seeing a lady in a silk dress wearing a helmet, only to exchange it moments later for a janitor’s cap, then a telephone operator’s headset, and suddenly finding herself in a chef’s hat. At first, it was pain—humiliation—and a deep wound to my pride. All my life I had thought of myself as stylish, believing only a certain type of hat was right for me. Then, one day, the hat I loved most, the one I most enjoyed wearing, was suddenly taken away.
One day, Jesus—the Designer of my life—decided to transform me from the inside out. With great scissors He trimmed and cut, reshaping my life and stitching it anew. He placed many hats upon my head—hats given only to pastors’ wives in this world. Yet I resisted with all my might, shouting in my heart, “I don’t need them!” The Lord, who has an eye for beauty, wanted me to live beautifully, but He patiently waited until my human pride surrendered. When I finally yielded, I began to see the beauty of life in a new way.
In immigrant churches, the role of a pastor’s wife is endlessly varied: driver, babysitter, cleaner, counselor, hostess, editor, telephone operator, cook, Bible teacher, comforter. God has granted the pastor’s wife countless opportunities to serve and to train. There is no room for laziness—no crack for idleness to slip through. Whenever there is time, she must pick up the phone to comfort someone in need, write letters, and wrestle for the sake of her own spiritual life. There are moments of exhaustion, loneliness, and discouragement, when invisible results tempt her to throw everything aside and collapse in bed with a groan.
Yet how can I not be moved to gratitude when I experience that the God who chose someone as weak as me has also given me the strength to fulfill all these tasks through complete trust in Him?
In the past, I did not know how to confess my flawed humanity before God. I tried to change hats only through my own effort and labor. It was draining, exhausting, and the hats never seemed to fit quite right. Often, after finishing the work, all that came back to me were voices of complaint and dissatisfaction. But somewhere along the way, even when results were lacking or less than satisfying, I began to respond with gratitude—and life’s colors grew much brighter.
That day was the day the Lord Himself came to me and clothed me with His own garment. Upon His head was the crown of thorns, stained with blood. He embraced my tears, my weariness, my complaints, my loneliness, and my inadequacies. With the hands marked by nails, He kept gently patting my back with a tender smile. Softly, with a choked voice, I called His name:
“Jesus, the only Son of God! Save me! Have mercy on me!”
Since then, whatever hat is placed upon my head, I look to the crown of thorns He wore. Blushing in shame, I thank Him that in the One who gives me strength, nothing is impossible. And so today, as I press down yet another of the many “pastor’s wife hats” displayed in my life’s closet, I no longer grumble. Instead, I send a loving wink to the God who has led me to live with such richness of experience and grace.
저는 많은 모자를 가지고 있습니다. 그것은 나에게 어울리든 어울리지 않든 환경에 따라 바꿔 써야만 될 모자들입니다. 한때 의상 디자이너의 삶을 살았었기에, 어느 것이 잘 어울리고 어느 것이 전혀 맞지 않는다는 것을 이론으로, 실제로 배워왔었습니다. 그러나 사모가 된 후, 선택의 여지없이 눌러써야만 되는 그 많은 모자들은 곤욕스럽기 한이 없었습니다.
생각해 보면 실크 드레스를 입은 여인이 투구를 쓰고 다니는가 싶더니, 금방 청소부의 모자를 쓰고, 어느새 전화 교환원의 모자를 쓰기도 하다가, 어느 순간에 요리사의 모자를 눌러쓰고 있음을 … …. 그것은 처음에는 고통이며 수모이며 자존심의 깊은 상처였습니다. 나는 적어도 이런 스타일의 모자만이 적격이라고 하여 평생을 쓰고 다니며 스스로 멋쟁이라고 생각해 왔는데, 어느날 갑자기 가장 좋아하며 즐겨하던 모자를 빼앗긴 것이었습니다.
어느 날, 내 삶의 디자이너이신 예수님께서 나의 안과 밖을 바꿔주시기로 작정하셨습니다. 그분은 큰 가위로 나의 삶을 다듬으시며 재단하시고 새롭게 박음질을 하셨습니다. 그리고 많은 모자를 내 삶에 씌워 주셨습니다. 그것은 이 땅에서 사모들에게만 주신 특권이었음에도 불구하고 “내겐 필요치 않아요!” 라고 외마디 비명을 지르듯 철저하게 거부하였습니다. 멋쟁이이신 주님은 내가 멋지게 살기를 원하실에 나의 인간적인 항복이 끝날 때까지 오래 참으시며 기다리셨습니다. 그리고 끝내 항복을 하고 나니 비로소 세상 사는 멋이 새롭게 보였습니다.
이민 교회에서 사모의 역할은 참으로 다양합니다. 운전수, 베이비 시터, 청소부, 상담자, 접대자, 편집자, 전화 교환수, 요리사, 성경교사, 위로자 등 하나님께서는 너무나 많은 기회를 사모에게 허락하셨고 훈련할 수 있는 기회를 주셨습니다. 그곳에는 나태가 있을 수 없고 게으름이 둥지를 틀고 비집고 들어올 틈이 없습니다. 시간만 나면 전화기를 돌려서 위로가 필요한 이를 찾아주어야 하고, 편지를 써야 하고, 자신의 영성을 위해 씨름을 해야 합니다. 때로는 힘에 겨웁고 외롭고 피곤하고 당장 눈에 드러나지 않는 결과들로 인해 낙망 속에 모든 것을 다 팽개쳐 버리고픈 심정에 끙끙 앓아눕기도 합니다.
그러나 팔삭둥이 같은 나를 택하사 이 모든 일들을 부여해 주신 하나님께서 그분을 향한 전폭적인 신뢰 속에 감당할 수 있는 힘을 주심을 체험함에 어찌 감사 감격지 않을 수 있겠습니까?
과거엔 하나님께 내 자신의 못난 인간됨을 고백할 줄 몰랐었습니다. 다만 스스로의 노력과 수고로 그 많은 모자들을 바꿔 쓰려 하니, 영 힘이 들고 피곤하고 뭔가 잘 맞아 주지 않았습니다. 일을 해놓고 보면 돌아오는 것은 짜증과 원망의 소리뿐일 때가 많았습니다. 그러나 언제부터인지 나타난 결과가 좀 부족하고 맘에 흡족하지 않아도 감사 함으로 임하자, 삶의 색채가 훨씬 더 밝아졌습니다.
그 날은 주님이 손수 내게 찾아오시어 자신의 옷을 입히신 날 이었습니다. 머리엔 핏방울진 가시관을 쓰신 채, 눈물과 피곤함과 투정과 외로움과 부족함을 모두 안으시고, 인자한 미소로 그 못자국이 난 두 손으로 나의 등을 자꾸 쓸어 주셨습니다. 저는 조용히 목멘음성 으로 그분의 이름을 불렀습니다.
“하나님의 외아들 예수여! 나를 구하소서! 나를 불쌍히 여기소서!” 그 후 내게 어떤 모자가 씌워지든 주님이 쓰신 가시관을 바라보며 부끄러워 얼굴 붉히며, 내게 능력 주시는 자 안에서 능치 못함이 없음을 감사드리게 되었습니다. 오늘도 삶의 옷장에 진열되어 있는 수많은 ‘사모의 모자’ 를 눌러 쓰며, 이토록 많은 경험과 체험을 안고 살도록 인도하신 하나님께 투정이 아닌, 사랑의 윙크를 보내게 됩니다.
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